Unfair
by GinevraWazlib
Summary: James thinks it's unfair that Remus wasn't made Head Boy. Mentions Lily.


Remus climbed through the portrait-hole, making his way toward the stairs to the boys' dormitories, tired after a night of patrolling the corridors. Right before he reached the stairs, he saw something in the corner of his eye and turned around. James was sitting on the windowsill, looking through the window at the star strewn sky.

"James?" He startled and turned around. "What are you doing up?"

"Oh, hey, Moony. I'm just…" He gestured vaguely with his hands. "Thinking."

Remus came closer and sat down in the armchair below the window. "What about?"

"You, actually."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Me?" James was silent for a while.

"I went to Dumbledore."

"Why?"

"To ask why I was made Head Boy."

"Oh."

James jumped down on the floor and sat down opposite him. "He said it was because I'm brave, and capable, and willing to fight and stand up for what is right."

Remus looked at him. James' shoulders were pulled down in defiance, and his eyebrows pulled together in indignation. "Well, you are all those things."

James huffed. "So what? So are you."

Remus smiled, bemused, but used to his friends' rather dramatic side. "And?"

" _And_ , you could've been made Head Boy just as much as I have. _More_ even! You have experience from two years of Prefect duties! You're a more responsible person than I am!" James jumped up, exasperation evident in his eyes. "I asked Dumbledore to give the badge to you, but he said he wouldn't!"

Remus felt his heart warm at James' words and indignation on his behalf. "Thank you, James. But I've been thinking, and I don't think I want to be Head Boy. When you got the letter, I was… relieved. It's a very public job. I'm uncomfortable with that kind of attention."

"Because of who you are."

"Well, yes. But it is who I am. And you are a much better leader than I am."

"That's –"

"True. You are good at making people see your way."

"But it would have been you, Remus! In a world without Voldemort, death eaters or oppression of werewolves and muggles, you would have been made Head Boy! Because Dumbledore wouldn't need an leader like me! He would need someone like you!" Remus opened his mouth to interrupt. "And it's not really about who is Head boy! It's about who gets to live their life! Who has the freedom to do whatever they want, that people should be chosen for their accomplishments, rather than because of who they are!"

"You are very kind, James."

"It's not about kindness!" He snarled. "It's about you not getting the life you want, or would have wanted, in a world where people didn't look down on people like you, or people like Lily! You should be able to do whatever you want! You deserve to come back to Hogwarts as a professor, because I know you want to, and I want Lily to be able to come to school without knowing for a fact she will get harassed on a daily basis! It just makes me so _mad_ , Remus! I'm just so _mad_ , that people – good people, like you and Lily – are treated like you're less than others, when in fact you are _so_ good. You are such a good person! You help others with their schoolwork, you give people a second chance, you are kind to a society that has done nothing but shut you out! And Lily is so kind, too. She's so… so… Lily. She's just perfect. She has bad sides too, but she is _so_ perfect. And it feels like my insides are boiling when I think that people like you two, people I love, doesn't get the life they want, and could've had, had they been born to other parents, or not infected with a disease when they were _five_."

James was panting, and if he didn't stop pacing, the carpet underneath his feet would soon have a permanent trail. Remus felt his eyes watering at his friends' words, and his heart ached with the love James had for him. He cleared his throat.

"James. I know it's hard, and it sucks. And I can't tell you what to do, or how to reassure you –"

" _You_ don't have to reassure _me_. Merlin. You have done nothing wrong. _I_ am going to fight for _you_. For your right to live."

James went over to sit down in the chair again, the defiance back in his shoulders.

"I know you're going to fight, James. We all are."

"Yes. And I won't stop until you are the greatest Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Hogwarts has ever seen." He huffed, but then the fight seemed to leave him, and he smiled sadly. Remus did, too. They sat in silence for a while, looking at the stars above the forest.

"Have you talked to Lily about how you feel?" Remus hesitated to ask, but as James had so openly declared his love for her, he thought the subject was allowed.

James sighed, kicking the carpet with the heel of his shoe. "No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know how. And I don't know if I dare. If she turns me down, I'll die. For real." Remus smiled. "I mean it Moony!" Remus smiled even wider.

"She won't turn you down, you know," he said, suddenly solemn.

"No, I don't, and neither do you. Not really. I have a feeling… sometimes she looks at me like she wants to tell me something, or reaches out as if to touch me, but then she turns away! And I just love her so much. It's not like before. I didn't really know her then, but now that I do… She's so much better than I ever knew. Sometimes when I look at her, I feel like my heart will explode."

"Tell her."

"What part?"

"What you said just now."

"Remus, if I tell her my heart explodes when I look at her face, she will definitely turn me down.

Remus laughed. "You don't know if you don't try, Prongs."


End file.
